I always find it so interesting how sensory experiences can evoke powerful memories. Certain seasons, smells, sounds, songs can sometimes hold the power to drag us back into painful moments of our past. This phenomenon, where a specific sensory input triggers a vivid recollection of an emotionally charged event, is deeply rooted in our psychological and neurological makeup.
For instance, a painful breakup that took place in Paris might haunt someone years later when they encounter anything reminiscent of that time and place; a glimpse of a building with similar architecture, the scent of a particular perfume, or a shitty French song that was popular that summer. These sensory triggers can activate our brain’s limbic system, particularly the amygdala and hippocampus, which are key players in emotion and memory processing.
The result can be an overwhelming wave of anxiety, as the brain momentarily confuses the past with the present, thrusting us into a state of distress. I once observed a patient lose herself in panic and shiver from the mere thought of Parisian breakfast, as she was overcome with feelings of heartbreak and abandon. But how can an unthreatening basket of pain au chocolate evoke so much pain in someone? without her even understanding why! In psychology, this process is referred to as an "emotional flashback." Unlike traditional flashbacks that are vivid and clear, emotional flashbacks bring back the feelings associated with past traumas, not the memory itself. This can feel disorienting and mess you up, as it’s not always obvious why we’re feeling anxious or upset, since we just relieve the 'feeling'.
To calm that intense feeling of anxiety when faced with this emo flashback, I tell my clients to pause and reframe these moments. Grounding techniques can be super useful here. When you find yourself triggered by a sensory experience, take a moment to connect with the present moment and surroundings. Acknowledge what you're feeling and remind yourself that you're actually safe and that this is no longer your reality. Techniques like deep breathing, focusing in on your physical body, and engaging your senses (notice some things you can see, touch something around you, listen to your own breathing) can help anchor you and bring you back to your reality.
Reframing is my main tool in this situation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches us to challenge and reframe our negative thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, "oh no, I am stuck reliving this trauma forever," remind yourself, "this is just a memory. I am no longer there, I'm actually here and I'm fine". Repeating this to yourself sounds strange and maybe a little cringe, but over time and with practice, this actually helps diminish the power these triggers hold over you.
The main point is not to lose yourself in something that you can actually change. Avoiding or running away from anyone who may be wearing your ex's perfume is not going to grant you control. We are capable of healing from past traumas, but we have to process and integrate these memories; we have to inhale that perfume deeply and reframe what the scent actually is.. just a scent, with no real power. Once you can understand these sensory memories are not the reality, they are not able to define your present or future.